I sit here, pondering what to write while simultaneously wondering if I'm ever going to find the right path. Or perhaps the right path is not what I think it is. Perhaps there is no right path. There is only the endless winding and interconnection of different roads, connecting the vast space between it all. I find that my thoughts lately have been scattered. Too many choices, not enough money is how my ego tends to break it all down. I'm working on moving past this into a more complex state of thought. I don't want my mind to be content with black and white ideals. My mind feels out of practice. I trip over words when I read, I fuck up dialogue. College provided a lot of the structure that I now lack. I think that's why everyone wants to return to school. Besides the fact that you seem to now need a Masters degree to increase your self-worth, it seems that school is treated as a safe haven from the making mistakes and accepting their consequences... Heaven knows I will be dealing with consequences for the rest of my life. But I don't want to see that as a horrible life sentence. I don't think it is. It's part of the life we live. The one we choose to meet every day. Why should I feel ashamed of having fucked up? I'm learning, aren't I? Aren't we all?
Why am I condemning myself? It doesn't make sense. Because whether or not we like to acknowledge it, we make our own hells. It's entirely a state of mind that is entirely malleable. There is nothing stopping anyone from suddenly deciding to let the bullshit just be there, and not investing anymore blood and tears into the matter. Our egos are preventing us from getting there. The ideas that the new iPhone will make you happy. That things, money, stuff is all designed to get us to this distant ideal nirvana. I've never believed in the power of things. This is part of the reason I own very little. Even those objects that have significance... I've given a lot of them up because what really matters is the memory, the lasting impression an experience, a person, a feeling has left on my heart.
There is much to be thankful for, and I am still learning to remember that. The writing helps.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
The trouble with idealism...
Fastforward 3 months and I find myself at, yet, another crossroad... My job at Solace did not pan out and I've spent the last week coming to terms with that and picking up the pieces I dropped amidst the whirlwind of excitement and disappointment.
It's become apparent that I dove into this job head first, eyes closed. I basked in the glow of acceptance into their world. My elation was so dense that I didn't see the blow but moments before it hit me. Well, that isn't true. I saw signs, but I chose to ignore them. Untrue again. I did not ignore them, but I hoped. I hoped that by the grace of my person I would succeed. That there would be an end to the growing pains.
I feel disenchanted with the world right now. From the hypocrisy of the protestors and the Wall Street moguls alike to the unabashed violence of what are supposed to be protectors of my home city to (what feels like) another job failure, I want to cocoon myself for a little while.
It's become apparent that I dove into this job head first, eyes closed. I basked in the glow of acceptance into their world. My elation was so dense that I didn't see the blow but moments before it hit me. Well, that isn't true. I saw signs, but I chose to ignore them. Untrue again. I did not ignore them, but I hoped. I hoped that by the grace of my person I would succeed. That there would be an end to the growing pains.
I feel disenchanted with the world right now. From the hypocrisy of the protestors and the Wall Street moguls alike to the unabashed violence of what are supposed to be protectors of my home city to (what feels like) another job failure, I want to cocoon myself for a little while.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Sigh of Relief
After enduring nearly 3 weeks of patience and steadfastness I can confidently say that it has all paid off. The job I longed for has been confirmed, though I have yet to discuss the details with my soon-to-be employers. I quite literally spent the last two days holding my breath, jumping at every noise my phone uttered. It was only when I left my phone alone for long enough that I received an e-mail titled "Hi!". I knew then it had to be good news.
I took an enormous leap of faith by leaving my former job without the safety net of a steady job or a precise purpose. Fearful that I would reach destitution, or far worse become quickly disenchanted by my freshly recognized independence, far before I found work again, I dove head first into menial tasks like reconstructing my résumé and scouring the internet for signs of movement in the job market.
Despite the negative outlook many have towards Twitter, I can confirm its usefulness as a fast and reliable news feed. Had I not been soaking in social media I may not have discovered this incredibly valuable job opportunity, one that could take me to a new level of experience in my chosen field. Its real-time feed gave me the jump I needed on what I knew would be fierce competition. To be frank, if it weren't for Twitter, I may not have won this match.
As I await the details of my next assignment, I've had plenty of time to reflect on this path and where I am headed. I do not know precisely how it will all pan out, but I suppose I want to take the time to make some promises to myself.
I will breathe in times of stress.
I will allow myself to make mistakes. I will own them. I will fix them accordingly.
I will oversee my training by leaving no stone unturned and asking questions.
I will tell myself that this fear is only as real as I let it become.
I will remember everyone that has helped bring me to this point, and appreciate those that will take over and guide me further.
The details are incredibly easy to learn. A foundation of knowledge solidified by practice allowing for space to grow. This job I already know.
I took an enormous leap of faith by leaving my former job without the safety net of a steady job or a precise purpose. Fearful that I would reach destitution, or far worse become quickly disenchanted by my freshly recognized independence, far before I found work again, I dove head first into menial tasks like reconstructing my résumé and scouring the internet for signs of movement in the job market.
Despite the negative outlook many have towards Twitter, I can confirm its usefulness as a fast and reliable news feed. Had I not been soaking in social media I may not have discovered this incredibly valuable job opportunity, one that could take me to a new level of experience in my chosen field. Its real-time feed gave me the jump I needed on what I knew would be fierce competition. To be frank, if it weren't for Twitter, I may not have won this match.
As I await the details of my next assignment, I've had plenty of time to reflect on this path and where I am headed. I do not know precisely how it will all pan out, but I suppose I want to take the time to make some promises to myself.
I will breathe in times of stress.
I will allow myself to make mistakes. I will own them. I will fix them accordingly.
I will oversee my training by leaving no stone unturned and asking questions.
I will tell myself that this fear is only as real as I let it become.
I will remember everyone that has helped bring me to this point, and appreciate those that will take over and guide me further.
The details are incredibly easy to learn. A foundation of knowledge solidified by practice allowing for space to grow. This job I already know.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Absorb & Emit
I am virtually forcing myself to write in order to calm my nerves. I'm awaiting news that's going to drastically alter the path my life takes in these next few weeks, months, and hopefully, years. There is no certainty that this news will even arrive before my bedtime, but I am hoping. And I am hoping for a positive result. No, I'm not pregnant!
As an optimist and idealist, I want the best outcome for everyone. I've spent the better part of my life instilling my spot in the world as a conduit for positive energy, and the last few weeks have been no exception. In fact, now more than ever do I believe that emitting positive energy brings it back around. Like the Earth revolves around the sun, I know that this push and pull of energy is real. I can feel it in my blood.
Most people look at me like I just jumped off the Peace Train when I talk about these things, but their approval isn't my primary goal. I feel that if even one person can understand a small bit of the ideal I attempt to convey then I am doing something right. Even if their entire purpose is to disprove my personal doctrine, I don't take offense. Our world is so complex and so awe-inspiring that it begs us to question it. It's when we stop questioning that I become afraid. However, that fear never lasts long. My existence is too full of things to keep me distracted by negative energy and the impulses that follow.
I am accepting that no matter what follows, I'll still be all right. I am still breathing. Still loving. It reminds me of a moment, a short clip in my life, when I could have very easily lost everything. Everything being my very life breath. It was also in that moment I gave myself up, and accepted what was ahead of me. Fear did not vanish, but it morphed into something else entirely. It became strength.
They say the most important lessons are the ones you learn over and over again. And here I am, learning to let go again. No other choice.
As an optimist and idealist, I want the best outcome for everyone. I've spent the better part of my life instilling my spot in the world as a conduit for positive energy, and the last few weeks have been no exception. In fact, now more than ever do I believe that emitting positive energy brings it back around. Like the Earth revolves around the sun, I know that this push and pull of energy is real. I can feel it in my blood.
Most people look at me like I just jumped off the Peace Train when I talk about these things, but their approval isn't my primary goal. I feel that if even one person can understand a small bit of the ideal I attempt to convey then I am doing something right. Even if their entire purpose is to disprove my personal doctrine, I don't take offense. Our world is so complex and so awe-inspiring that it begs us to question it. It's when we stop questioning that I become afraid. However, that fear never lasts long. My existence is too full of things to keep me distracted by negative energy and the impulses that follow.
I am accepting that no matter what follows, I'll still be all right. I am still breathing. Still loving. It reminds me of a moment, a short clip in my life, when I could have very easily lost everything. Everything being my very life breath. It was also in that moment I gave myself up, and accepted what was ahead of me. Fear did not vanish, but it morphed into something else entirely. It became strength.
They say the most important lessons are the ones you learn over and over again. And here I am, learning to let go again. No other choice.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Unemployed: A Love/Hate Dynamic
Many of my friends now know that I have recently left my position as General Manager for a restaurant located in California's South Bay, and that I am now questing for a new job, preferably one that will allow me to stretch my managerial wings even further. I learned a lot over the year and a half that I dedicated to my last position, but the fact of the matter was that I had no more room to expand.
I was introduced as a barista and my work experience combined with my love of all things food-related and customer service propelled me into management. In a way, I could see the end far before I got there. To be a GM for a family-owned operation means that there is an end, but where there is an end lies another beginning, to be positively existential about the matter.
In the mean time, as I apply for jobs, pester hiring managers, and await responses, I have taken to relaxing and soaking up my free time. I spent the better part of a year stressing my body out and allowing important areas of my life to atrophy: relations with friends, my emotional health... Hell, I couldn't even call my mother on a decent schedule. I don't want to wither away out of frustration and greed and fear. Fear. I know it all stems from the ever-looming fear that only affluence equals happiness. Such an ideal is not true, I know, but it is a difficult battle to fight when so many seem to give into it.
All of this tension surrounding how to live and how to live better than your neighbor leaves a sense of unease about me. I cycle through feelings of disenchantment and ardor toward the world. A dilemma that will only no longer be a dilemma when I stop seeing it as such. It is getting easier though...
I was introduced as a barista and my work experience combined with my love of all things food-related and customer service propelled me into management. In a way, I could see the end far before I got there. To be a GM for a family-owned operation means that there is an end, but where there is an end lies another beginning, to be positively existential about the matter.
In the mean time, as I apply for jobs, pester hiring managers, and await responses, I have taken to relaxing and soaking up my free time. I spent the better part of a year stressing my body out and allowing important areas of my life to atrophy: relations with friends, my emotional health... Hell, I couldn't even call my mother on a decent schedule. I don't want to wither away out of frustration and greed and fear. Fear. I know it all stems from the ever-looming fear that only affluence equals happiness. Such an ideal is not true, I know, but it is a difficult battle to fight when so many seem to give into it.
All of this tension surrounding how to live and how to live better than your neighbor leaves a sense of unease about me. I cycle through feelings of disenchantment and ardor toward the world. A dilemma that will only no longer be a dilemma when I stop seeing it as such. It is getting easier though...
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
An awakening of sorts...
Do you ever notice how much of your individuality begins to atrophy while you're in a relationship?
So much of what you do or say or think involves a completely different person. One separate from yourself. We begin to identify our selves, our personalities, our self-worth through our relationships, especially romantic ones.
I don't want this for myself. I don't want to be waiting by the phone until 2AM for someone else to confirm that I am worth their time. I don't want someone's Facebook status to pull on my heartstrings. I don't want to be seen as a package deal. That's not how this works.
I want to choose who I spend my time with. Not to have some predetermined schedule based on what my significant other is doing. I want to feel just as content spending my evening eating Ben & Jerry's, reading Inked, and exfoliating my feet as I do having the car door held open for me by a chivalrous gentleman.
It doesn't mean that I'm always happy to arrive home to a darkened house, or that I don't sometimes yearn for a soul mate when I see a couple cuddled together, picking out vegetables in the grocery store. Those feelings are normal and human, but they aren't looking to satiate them isn't propelling me toward any sort of personal growth... In fact, I think satisfying our need to be adored inhibits growth. Think about it...
Many people get into relationships because they want recognition that they are good, worthwhile, and lovable. Instead of choosing to learn about our selves, we transfer this responsibility to another human being. Understandably, this is not how a relationship begins, but over time I've realized that it becomes less and less about spending time with a person you care for, and more about satisfying one's selfish need to be wanted. When we are wanted, we are worth something. When someone calls you, they were thinking of you... It's a drug; a dependency.
I fear that this outlook has now rendered me incapable of wanting a relationship... This does not mean I cannot love. In truth, I believe I can love more and more fully when I am free to send it at my own will. But a relationship seems so selfish now... So presumptuous.
I don't want to be a measure of another's self worth. I can't possibly take on such a responsibility without inevitable occasional failure. It's not fair to the way our very human minds and bodies function.
Perhaps I'm simply dreaming all of this... And in that case, none of it really matters at all, does it?
So much of what you do or say or think involves a completely different person. One separate from yourself. We begin to identify our selves, our personalities, our self-worth through our relationships, especially romantic ones.
I don't want this for myself. I don't want to be waiting by the phone until 2AM for someone else to confirm that I am worth their time. I don't want someone's Facebook status to pull on my heartstrings. I don't want to be seen as a package deal. That's not how this works.
I want to choose who I spend my time with. Not to have some predetermined schedule based on what my significant other is doing. I want to feel just as content spending my evening eating Ben & Jerry's, reading Inked, and exfoliating my feet as I do having the car door held open for me by a chivalrous gentleman.
It doesn't mean that I'm always happy to arrive home to a darkened house, or that I don't sometimes yearn for a soul mate when I see a couple cuddled together, picking out vegetables in the grocery store. Those feelings are normal and human, but they aren't looking to satiate them isn't propelling me toward any sort of personal growth... In fact, I think satisfying our need to be adored inhibits growth. Think about it...
Many people get into relationships because they want recognition that they are good, worthwhile, and lovable. Instead of choosing to learn about our selves, we transfer this responsibility to another human being. Understandably, this is not how a relationship begins, but over time I've realized that it becomes less and less about spending time with a person you care for, and more about satisfying one's selfish need to be wanted. When we are wanted, we are worth something. When someone calls you, they were thinking of you... It's a drug; a dependency.
I fear that this outlook has now rendered me incapable of wanting a relationship... This does not mean I cannot love. In truth, I believe I can love more and more fully when I am free to send it at my own will. But a relationship seems so selfish now... So presumptuous.
I don't want to be a measure of another's self worth. I can't possibly take on such a responsibility without inevitable occasional failure. It's not fair to the way our very human minds and bodies function.
Perhaps I'm simply dreaming all of this... And in that case, none of it really matters at all, does it?
Friday, April 1, 2011
The bittersweet between my teeth...
I wanted to log a collection of special memories... Honoring feelings, people, events that have shaped who I am in this current moment. They are as follows (in no particular order)...
1. Swim and sunset in Del Mar
2. Watching the sun set over Bellver de Cerdanya, Spain
3. Meeting a kindred spirit in Athens
4. Lunar eclipse on a hostel roof top in Barcelona
5. Swimming in the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain
6. Surviving my lone day hike along the coast of Zakynthos
7. Cloud white-out atop Mt. Lincoln
More will follow.
1. Swim and sunset in Del Mar
2. Watching the sun set over Bellver de Cerdanya, Spain
3. Meeting a kindred spirit in Athens
4. Lunar eclipse on a hostel roof top in Barcelona
5. Swimming in the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain
6. Surviving my lone day hike along the coast of Zakynthos
7. Cloud white-out atop Mt. Lincoln
More will follow.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Personal Reflection & Future Endeavors.
Peoples' stories will never cease to amaze me. The winding labyrinth of existence and how one decision leads to another fascinates me. I think about my own life story in this way too.
Sometimes I peruse Facebook in attempt to reminisce. With the added feature on FB that allows one to view past correspondence with their friends, I will take to flipping through the connections I've made to various men I once was in love with.
Some of them I dated before FB was born, but our conversations remain witty and playful. Some of them I very rarely converse with. Others are still sensitive subjects, and yet it's nice to look back on what brought us together in the first place. To remind myself that love doesn't die, but changes form. It must, for not one person remains the same each day.
Many of my major life decisions have centered on a relationship at one point in time. Many might find this limiting, but it has been anything but. While I did allow these relationships to dictate various paths I have walked, I haven't let them impede upon my own happiness, or obtaining the most joy from those walks. I learned to recognize when I was at my best and worst because of these connections, and that in turn gave me my foundation for self-improvement.
Much of the way I work is through self-reflection and analysis, similar to what one might do in a therapist's office, but internally. I have internal (sometimes external) conversations with myself about the energy I absorb, recycle, and expend, and how I interract with the world. The learning comes from paying close attention to how others receive me. This is not to say that I analyze everything I say before I say it... In fact, perhaps I could stand for a little more of that. I'm quite free in my manners of speech despite the trouble it gets me into regardless of my good intentions. However, the subtle eyebrow raise, or a sideways glance can mean everything as your looking to the person receiving your dialogue. Do I check myself and apologize profusely after I've erred? If the situation calls for it, but more often I keep my notes logged away for future reference. Primarily, I am a kinesthetic learner, and I work best when practicing my skills and replicating action.
I'm now attempting to use these powerful skills of reflection to create my future. Interestingly enough, last year was the first time I made a major life change that involved the separation of myself and someone I love very dearly. All my previous decisions, leaving for Europe, moving to San Diego, even my college of choice, had some reflection onto whom I was dating at the time. It still saddens me to think of what could've been, but too much was at stake for me to veer off the path I was on. It is, after all, my life and no one else's. How I live it matters to me, and me alone. Those that truly understand, know, and love me, would never begrudge me the happiness I deserve.
I am very proud of all that I've accomplished in this past year, despite the sporadic phantom pains of loss. They mostly only come at night, when the house is empty and dark, when my thoughts spiral into a series of "What if's". I am on my way to gaining something greater, and my only wish is that I could share that eternal knowledge with everyone I love. That quiet knowing that no matter how bad it gets, it's still all right.
Sometimes I peruse Facebook in attempt to reminisce. With the added feature on FB that allows one to view past correspondence with their friends, I will take to flipping through the connections I've made to various men I once was in love with.
Some of them I dated before FB was born, but our conversations remain witty and playful. Some of them I very rarely converse with. Others are still sensitive subjects, and yet it's nice to look back on what brought us together in the first place. To remind myself that love doesn't die, but changes form. It must, for not one person remains the same each day.
Many of my major life decisions have centered on a relationship at one point in time. Many might find this limiting, but it has been anything but. While I did allow these relationships to dictate various paths I have walked, I haven't let them impede upon my own happiness, or obtaining the most joy from those walks. I learned to recognize when I was at my best and worst because of these connections, and that in turn gave me my foundation for self-improvement.
Much of the way I work is through self-reflection and analysis, similar to what one might do in a therapist's office, but internally. I have internal (sometimes external) conversations with myself about the energy I absorb, recycle, and expend, and how I interract with the world. The learning comes from paying close attention to how others receive me. This is not to say that I analyze everything I say before I say it... In fact, perhaps I could stand for a little more of that. I'm quite free in my manners of speech despite the trouble it gets me into regardless of my good intentions. However, the subtle eyebrow raise, or a sideways glance can mean everything as your looking to the person receiving your dialogue. Do I check myself and apologize profusely after I've erred? If the situation calls for it, but more often I keep my notes logged away for future reference. Primarily, I am a kinesthetic learner, and I work best when practicing my skills and replicating action.
I'm now attempting to use these powerful skills of reflection to create my future. Interestingly enough, last year was the first time I made a major life change that involved the separation of myself and someone I love very dearly. All my previous decisions, leaving for Europe, moving to San Diego, even my college of choice, had some reflection onto whom I was dating at the time. It still saddens me to think of what could've been, but too much was at stake for me to veer off the path I was on. It is, after all, my life and no one else's. How I live it matters to me, and me alone. Those that truly understand, know, and love me, would never begrudge me the happiness I deserve.
I am very proud of all that I've accomplished in this past year, despite the sporadic phantom pains of loss. They mostly only come at night, when the house is empty and dark, when my thoughts spiral into a series of "What if's". I am on my way to gaining something greater, and my only wish is that I could share that eternal knowledge with everyone I love. That quiet knowing that no matter how bad it gets, it's still all right.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Honestly.
A topic of relative urgency and importance continues to present itself in various forms, especially in light of my being in Boston at the moment. It's a matter I've attempted to touch upon before; however, given it's complicated nature, I always fell short of ways to articulate my feelings.
My father and I have not been close for several years now. In fact, not only have we been distant, I no longer think we share the same plane of existence. When we do speak, talking to my father involves the same type of simple, declarative sentences and interrogations one might use with an adolescent. Very short "Hello's", comments on the weather, how work is going. There is nothing dynamic about the relationship. No exchange of intellect, no genuine interest is present. When I reach for a topic that will hopefully unite us, the conversation soon starts to revolve around my father and his doings. I have grown tired of pandering to him, and am unsure of why he wants to keep this connection going. I suspect it is because he does not look like a complete failure if he has me in his life in some way.
I have trouble accepting the way things are when I look back and recall such happy days growing up. Memories of my dad tickling me till I couldn't breathe, pulling my toes so that I could hear and feel that delicious cracking, launching me to the other end of the pool. I don't know how to make new memories with him. I don't know how to accept him as he is because I don't agree with the choices he's made. The choices that have lead him astray from his three children, and the family for which he promised to care.
He says he's still the same, but I don't recognize him. I can see him, and my brain can pick him out of a crowd, but my heart can't love him like it used to... I want to be sorry for that, but there is nothing to be done about it. My father made his choices, and so he must live with mine as well. The father I once trusted and honored now survives through me.
My father and I have not been close for several years now. In fact, not only have we been distant, I no longer think we share the same plane of existence. When we do speak, talking to my father involves the same type of simple, declarative sentences and interrogations one might use with an adolescent. Very short "Hello's", comments on the weather, how work is going. There is nothing dynamic about the relationship. No exchange of intellect, no genuine interest is present. When I reach for a topic that will hopefully unite us, the conversation soon starts to revolve around my father and his doings. I have grown tired of pandering to him, and am unsure of why he wants to keep this connection going. I suspect it is because he does not look like a complete failure if he has me in his life in some way.
I have trouble accepting the way things are when I look back and recall such happy days growing up. Memories of my dad tickling me till I couldn't breathe, pulling my toes so that I could hear and feel that delicious cracking, launching me to the other end of the pool. I don't know how to make new memories with him. I don't know how to accept him as he is because I don't agree with the choices he's made. The choices that have lead him astray from his three children, and the family for which he promised to care.
He says he's still the same, but I don't recognize him. I can see him, and my brain can pick him out of a crowd, but my heart can't love him like it used to... I want to be sorry for that, but there is nothing to be done about it. My father made his choices, and so he must live with mine as well. The father I once trusted and honored now survives through me.
Architextualizing.
As you might be able to see, this blog will be under construction for a little while. I am unsure as to what theme or colors I want to incorporate, so the process will be an ongoing one. I realize I still need some work when it comes to demonstrating patience; so, what better way to accomplish that then by practicing slowing down. Baby steps though.
This whole week is an exercise in slowing down, I suppose. I am vacationing in Boston, my home city, after having been away for nearly 3 years. Given how much time has passed, and all that has transpired, I felt the need to start anew and leave this blog behind. However, I have a tendency to toss things by the wayside once they've lost their initial glamour, and I really don't want to indulge in such childish tendencies any longer. So, this blog will stay. Keeping the original title of "anxious musings" feels a bit sedentary, when, in fact, I've been anything but. I'm not sure what else to title it though... I suppose it'll come to me. I'm looking to officially transition out of this "limbo of anxiety", not continue to soak in it.
So far this week has been spent catching up on sleep, soaking up love and attention, and imbibing as much alcohol as I can. It is quite a surreal experience. Forgetting I was no longer in the Golden State, I gushed with excitement at the sight of a New Hampshire or Massachusetts license plate. I began counting all the Dunkin Donuts locations, and promptly gave up upon reaching the number 7 before we'd even left Somerville. Apparently, I also had more of a non-rhotic accent than I'd realized... More to come later.
This whole week is an exercise in slowing down, I suppose. I am vacationing in Boston, my home city, after having been away for nearly 3 years. Given how much time has passed, and all that has transpired, I felt the need to start anew and leave this blog behind. However, I have a tendency to toss things by the wayside once they've lost their initial glamour, and I really don't want to indulge in such childish tendencies any longer. So, this blog will stay. Keeping the original title of "anxious musings" feels a bit sedentary, when, in fact, I've been anything but. I'm not sure what else to title it though... I suppose it'll come to me. I'm looking to officially transition out of this "limbo of anxiety", not continue to soak in it.
So far this week has been spent catching up on sleep, soaking up love and attention, and imbibing as much alcohol as I can. It is quite a surreal experience. Forgetting I was no longer in the Golden State, I gushed with excitement at the sight of a New Hampshire or Massachusetts license plate. I began counting all the Dunkin Donuts locations, and promptly gave up upon reaching the number 7 before we'd even left Somerville. Apparently, I also had more of a non-rhotic accent than I'd realized... More to come later.
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