Monday, August 3, 2009

All these colors will change.

Little things mean big things.

All the time.

Pictures harbor memories. Stories create dreams. Everything in the world opens into a bigger, more vast collection of other stories.

I am an ever-changing creature, hell-bent on finding what is right for her. Is that a job? Is it art? What is it I want? What makes my blood pump? What makes the world look beautiful to me?

I can't pinpoint it. It is not something I can pick out and name. When people ask me what I want to do with the rest of my life, all I can respond with is, "What don't I want to do with the rest of my life?" I want to be a teacher, an adventurer, a humanitarian, a lover, an inspiration. I want everything. Where do I start? What do I do?

I equate this feeling with walking into a beautiful garden. So many beautiful flowers. I want to smell them all, but I have trouble distinguishing them from one another. Or the kid in the candy store. What do I choose first? I can't have it all right now. But I want it. The world is my candy store.

The possibilities are endless. Ever-flowering. Wilting, dying, cycling. I am collecting stories and scars. What is it for? Why am I here? I feel this serene sadness weighing on my heart. I am so enamored with life, and yet I feel stagnant. I keep meeting these amazing people. These wonderful, kind, welcoming people. This is a new chapter. I am changing.

I am afraid. And I am sad. It is time to let go of what was...

Bits and bits of cane, burning burning burning
bit by bit away
they grow as people grow
and glow as people glow

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