I am almost over it. This hanging back, chill, exterior. Feigning interest... whatever.
I lose myself in affection and attention. I lose myself over the stupidest things. It envelopes me like the soft, knitted blue blanket I had that always smelled of home. Full of holes, but still so warm and inviting. I make it work. Whatever it is that life hands me, I make it work.
What other option do we have?
I am not the type of person who flutters from one person to the next, though it may seem so. If I focus on you there is a reason. Problem is... I focus on everything. I want everything.
I want to breathe in life. I want to see it screaming at me. I want to be back on those cliffs in Greece. A moment where I felt alive because I could have died at any moment. Bleeding, scraped, burnt, wet, hungry, exhausted, alone.
I live my life at the edge of emotional exhaustion. I pour my heart into everything I do. I wrack my brain trying to figure out why this thing inside me needs to be this way. Why I am so immersed, almost drowning.
It's not the drama. I hate the drama. But I do love the rush of knowing that no matter how broken or scarred I am, or will become, it only makes me stronger in the end. The satisfaction of knowing that, yet again, I have conquered my fears and pushed forward. I love, I hurt, I fall, I hurt some more, I bleed, I die.
I rise again.
No comments:
Post a Comment