So, Holly and I had some interesting conversations this morning/afternoon. We frequently make breakfast together and today we began chatting about the book (Loving the Self-Absorbed) I've been reading over some eggs and bacon.
I asked her, "What makes some people reflective and others not?" What instills a healthy sense of empathy in a person? What is it that allows to create emotional boundaries so that we share ourselves, but also remain protected?
Most of the time the answer lies in our upbringing. The way our parents treated us and interacted with us lays the foundation for our interactions with others. Should our parents have interacted with us negatively or relayed unreasonable expectations unto us, the result is an unhealthy approach to fostering relationships.
I was thinking back to my childhood. I reflected on the friends I once had. Frequently, my "friends" would abandon me or plot against me. I cared very much for them and wanted to please them, but this only hurt me further as those friends used my concern to manipulate me. It wasn't until high school that I began to seek out people who I could have mutually satisfying friendships with. I am proud that I was able to establish such boundaries at such a young age. I now want to make it a constant in my life to indulge those friendships that are mutually rewarding.
I thank my mother for her devotion to me. I also reflected on my interactions with her. Yes, she could be mean, and I would get yelled at and reprimanded for behaving inappropriately. I would cry and feel remorse for my mistakes. Some parents might leave their kids alone to cry and recover themselves. My mother held me while I cried. She told me that I needed to learn from my mistakes, but that she never stopped loving me. That everything was okay.
And it is okay. And it always will be. Even when it isn't, it's all okay.
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