I don't like to fill silence for the sake of filling the silence. Sometimes it is just better to be. To sit, and think, and be with one's own mind. If I cannot think of something to say, I know it is because I was not meant to say anything in that moment. The music takes over. Or the sound of the cars rushing past. Or the night sky closing in around me.
At times, those moments are better. The ones when you can sit beside the one you love, contemplating two very different ideas, but still simultaneously share in the moment. You are both a part of it. Independent and together.
I grow frustrated when conversation turns trivial sometimes. I am then forced to remain invisible on Facebook, or to make up excuses as to why my desire to converse has waned. I suppose I should simply tell the truth: that I have no desire to speak with that person about such details. I feel as though I am not practicing love in this way. The desire to roll my eyes and grit my teeth grow strong as I laboriously concoct a half-interested response, or feign amusement with the overt use of "LOL" and "Haha".
Is it because I find my own agenda that much more amusing and important? I wish I could simply shut my mind off, and be able to listen to everyone. My apathy towards the trivial is not attached to a lack of feeling for the individual. Sometimes I simply need to shut my brain off. I spend more time doing and being, and so the time I do take to stop and breathe is best spent reflecting and resting.