The mind is its own universe.

I really want to take a moment to explore why I enjoy Rilke's quote so very much. It touches upon this idea that I feel is never seen in a positive light, the action of wanting. That idea alone, can we even call it an action? Its very structure does not imply action, but it fails to fall short for its learned meaning does implicate the desire we all have toward bettering ourselves and our life situations. But is that the correct path? I do not think so, however; I do not think there is any one correct path. Please, humor me.

For years I have been taught the notion that "to want" is synonymous with being "incomplete" and "unfulfilled". However, Rilke has opened a door in my mind. Why must we despise the very nature of wanting when realistically it is what drives us forward? I do not feel that our human desire is an inherently dark cavern, never satiated, never filled. I do feel that it is obscure and blurred by the very fact that so few refuse to ever explore why they want. Everyone seems hellbent on destroying the beast; no one truly takes the time to understand it. Truly, we and this monster are one and the same.

Rilke is talking about wanting, yearning, desiring for all that life has to offer him. He wants to feel the cold sting and the warm touch. To me, this is a far more vast method of acceptance than even Taoist or Buddhist scriptures reveal. Religion and spiritual followings remain adamant that desire is forbidden. To desire is unclean. To want something means that you do not appreciate who you are in the present. Therefore, you must practice not wanting, not desiring if you seek the stillness and peace of mind that escape so many of us.

I appreciate what Rilke has to say due to the very nature of myself, a human. Who Lahnna is has become wrapped in my past, present, and future endeavors. My hopes, my dreams, my desires are all a part of this. I love to want and to be wanted. All humans thrive on this give and take of affection and attention. Our brains and bodies work in such delicate and intricate ways that we almost have no choice, but to feel what we feel. Even if we have no words for the particular brand of sensation coursing through us, we still feel them. I would rather honor myself and my mind by learning about these urges and responses than simply deny myself.

This discussion with myself, of course, has no segued into deeper discussions about who exactly Lahnna is, and what does she want? These are questions I ask myself time and time again. I like to think I am closer to knowing a definite answer; however, I also enjoy the not precisely knowing anything. The organization of this particular entry is atrocious, and most of my thoughts have escaped me. Consider this a free association, if you'd like.

After all, this is a topic I return to continuously. I am not my wants and desires. I am not my needs. What exactly am I? Is there a purpose to all of this? Am I merely an accident, wading through a myriad of currents and natural forces like all the other accidents?